He'll Pay
by Saja Natalia
Summary: James' and Lily's deaths still fresh in his mind, Sirius faces his real emotions.


A young man sat hunched, weeping alone in the dark. Sirius tried to control himself as his shoulders heaved with every sob he let escape through his lips. He had extinguished the fire in the grate long ago, surprised that he even had any magic left in him.

Digging his fingernails into his face, Sirius attempted to stop the tears from flowing, succeeding only in prying open a mental barrier, allowing old memories to flood his mind.

There he stood, more like a brother than a friend, laughing, weeping, looking for support, and finally standing up on his own. The world would never be the same without James, without Prongs. Never would there be someone with such enthusiasm and fire in them. Never would there be a greater wizard, a greater father, a greater friend, a greater brother.

And then there was Lily. She had been the center of James' life for years. Her electric personality could get her anything she wanted. If she had had just slightly more time, she could have really made something out of herself. She could have been headmistress after Dumbledore, or even Mistress of Magic.

No. Not anymore. _He _had made sure of that. Not You-Know-Who, the man who had performed the spell, but Peter Pettigrew, the one known as Wormtail. The traitor had left his friends. His best friends. His _only _friends. He had been the Secret Keeper. If he hadn't told of their whereabouts, they would still live.

No. He hadn't _told. _True to his nature,he had _ratted them out. _

Why? Why did it have to be Lily and James Potter? It could have been anyone else, another member of the Order. Sirius didn't mean that, he was sure, but somewhere deep in the back of his mind, he knew a bit of it was sincere.

And then there was the boy. His godson, Harry. What would become of the child? And what had happened when he was attacked? What had happened to the attacker?

Sirius clutched his head in his hands, rocking back and forth. He knew it was strange for an adult to cry like this, but he didn't care. There was no reason James and Lily should have been dead. There was no reason, none at all.

He sobbed alone in the dark, knowing just how helpless he looked, and not caring, knowing he looked like a child crying for its mother. He _was _helpless, he realized. James had been all of the good within him. If it wasn't for James, Sirius might have been a Death Eater, mercilessly torturing good people.

_Good people like the Potters._ This thought brought more grief and more tears, and Sirius was forced to endure it, trying to cry himself free of these emotions.

Slowly, he brought his head from his hands, hardly aware of the small streams of blood coming from where his nails had torn at his skin. He gazed upon his wand, lying upon the table before him. _Just one spell, _he thought. _Just one spell and it'll all be over. _

_Just one spell and I'll be with them again._

Sirius reached a shaking hand out and grasped the handle of his wand, ignoring the pain as tears fell into the cuts on his face. He turned the wand and pointed it at his heart. As he formed the spell in his mind, hysterical laughter burst from his lips. Sirius laughed, his mouth twisted into a disturbing smile.

_What am I doing? _a part of Sirius' brain asked, causing the laughter to stop. _What do I intend to do? Kill myself? What good will that do? If I died, the pain would subside, but is that what I want? If I live, however, I'll be facing all the people who knew the Potters. I'll be with everyone and everything that ever reminded me of them._

Then the thought came to him. _If I live, I'll be with Pettigrew. I'll have a chance, a chance to pay him back._

Sirius slowly set the wand down, and sunk back into his chair. That was what he would do. He would wait forever if need be, but he _would _make Pettigrew pay. He would make the vermin that killed his friends suffer until he begged for mercy, and then destroy him slowly.

_You may wash your hands to rid yourself of this deed, but all you'll be doing is rewetting them with the blood of James. That is something I'll never forgive._

With that, Sirius fell back into a deep sleep, determined to wait as long as he had to so he could destroy the Secret Keeper of the Potters. He would murder the man who had once been his friend, and he wouldn't be satisfied until Wormtail was killed in the worst way possible.


End file.
